mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
