All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
