Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
