my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
