I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize