census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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