HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
