Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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