Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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