If i come over, it means nothing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize