Ambien. No doubt about it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
