I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
