dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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