The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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