I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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