I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
