I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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