I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
