at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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