there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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