I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
