Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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