It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
