I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
