Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
