I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
