We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize