If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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