I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We have started to decorate penises.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize