I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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