In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
