just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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