my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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