she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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