I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
