explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
