I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
