Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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