This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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