her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
