Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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