In the future we'll all be gay
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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