I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
