I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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