you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
