so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize