a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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