I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
