I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
