I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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