So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
