Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
