Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
