I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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