What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
