The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
