Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A+ Viking dick
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