So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
