He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
