I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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