sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Pants are for mortals
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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