pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
