Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
