Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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