i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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