Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
