Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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