it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
do herpes really smell.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
