Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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