She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
